sorry about the last posting- just goes to show i shouldn't drink! not that i don't stand by what i wrote, but i wouldn't usually put it so crudely, repetitively or crassly.........and that "please disobey"? please? (well in fact the whole sentiment - it's patronising and what does that sound like, i'm 17 or something? (i'm not, about twice that actually so i should know better)

and this is approaching the depths of solipsism, writing about what i've written...perhaps tomorrow i can comment on this....before everyone dies of boredom.....

http://grandoldpartyy.motime.com/1077471602#221414

jsut thought i had to include that because it pissed me off! the taliban tried ( mistakenly in my view) to stamp out the opium trade.....they, and al qieda (how u spell that? seems to be numerous variations) NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE DRUGS TRADE............AND NOTHING TO DO WITH SADDAM HUSSEIN......AND NOTHING TO DO WITH CHILD PORN........

let's get this straight (especially for american bloggers/readers).....al quaiideida  or whatever, have nothing to do with drugs, child porn, prostitution, or whatever other current bugbears that you have....it is entirely possible that it doesn't exist as this conspiracy of swarthy complexioned towell headed psychopaths that your media (and unfortunately ours too ) portrays... it might not actually exist.....there is the so solid crew  in england - and every stabbing at a garage do is attributed to them - shootings too- but as they say themselves it's just people using their reputation......and, america, there's an awful lot  of people waiting to get on that bandwagon

but can i say this for the sane people of the western world:

DRUGS ARE NOT, IN THEMSELVES BAD

THE WAR ON DRUGS IS JUST YET MORE IMPERIALISM

(and it's already      lost)

AL QUIDA DO NOT EXIST AS AN INTERNATIONAL CONSPIRACY- THAT IS JUST A USEFUL (BECAUSE SCARY)  WAY TO BLANKET THE  LOCAL OPPOSISTION TO THE PAX AMERICANA

(and for myself i have had  a lot of friends killed by the illegality of      drugs, they didnt know the strength of what they were taking: in an entirely legalised system this would be different)

for my american friends

YOU LIVE UNDER A NEW EMPIRE- THAT WILL NOT CALL ITSELF SUCH BUT WILL USE BRUTAL MEASURES ON THOSE WHO ARE POWERLESS

PLEASE  DISOBEY

PLEASE SUBVERT

i am gonna check out the (recent) history of the stylist profession, becoz its recent, it vshould be possible to pin it down to an individual or clique- i mean that i think no    such job existed before about 1968 (arbitrary date, i know) i think that they gained  their supremacy by working with interior designers - conran et. al. - and spread their way into other areas. (maybe i'm only thinking of "blow up" + other cinema fashion scenarios; but i'm certain that pre-70's the photographer did the work, or that was the designer or their minions- absolutely not a job in itself- coz it's about making things look as the designer wants. i have little time for  a designer that doesnt know how the clothes should look on a person.

i want to research   this particular history because it would be a very contemporary illustration of how the (cant spell it tonite- the boosh- wah-zee) create a class (again) between the worker and the market.

hello blog

looks like my girfriend and i might well split. this means i lose my partner and my job in one go. i seriously feel like shit about this - i already miss her. i have given too much to this thing. was determined to make it work, and she isn't.....working together was possibly not the wisest move. it's impossible to keep work stuff and relationship stuff seperate.

that was half an hour ago or so - then dave came in; he'd just had a job interview (he works in another industry where people are meant to work for love and somehow subsist on minimal wages and the sheer joy of working for a "creative industry", where you will be told that there's plenty more where you came from) but anyway he's been invited back for the 2nd interview which is cool as he doesn't take too well to unemployment. the lack of money obviously being a major problem but also the absence of structure. but after i had a phone call from my (ex?) girlfriend, saying that at least my job is safe for now. it's london fashion week in about 2 weeks and there's a show to prepare for, and too much work to do on her own. this is after telling me i was expendable. to be fair, she has admitted that she sees the whole business as her own ego trip - which it is. i don't know if  i should be pleased, it's not very noble; but seeing reality smacking her in the face after spending two days with her telling me how much better she'd get on on her own does give some satisfaction. what does it mean for a relationship though, if you find that you can enjoy your partner having to climb down, something that she finds humiliating? it's not good, and i'm not proud of that. she has what she might call strength, but it's like glass - hard until it shatters. she cares too much about her image (not in the teenage sense i mean, but in the fashion business sense) and impressing people that she sometimes admits that she despises - although that could be her saying what she thinks i want to hear, and i probably do.

i know that impressing people is also sound business sense, and being "professional" - i'm in the wrong here, bcause i hate that word "professional"; i'm an artist; which is, by definition someone without a definite profession, or professional standards. i just started to write that "this is the whole modern west..." that every fucker is a professional this or that, but then i caught myself and realised that i can only speak for the relatively narrow strata of london society that i am in, in the image making and image manipulation industries - the vast quantities of immigrant labour that keeps our society going - cleaning emptying bedpans serving coffee- may not consider themselves professional anything, just below minimum wage slaves trying to survive. the thing is that every "professional" multimedia artist graphic fashion or web designer/part time dj, vj whatfuckingever, is also just surviving; but they're obviously "professional" about it. everyone has a profession.

what happens, is that a caste of people in a profession set the professional standards, which will be their standards, in order to make the industry in their image, and to make themselves indispensible. this can make sense in some areas, medicine for example, but why in art or design? fashion has stylists, who do fuck all in my view (i will come back to this some time), but set the professional standards. they are also "creative" - they have creative adress books that is, and know the people who actually do the work - you have to work with an accepted stylist, who will basically do the same as the designer would do, if it wasn't unprofessional to do it themselves, control the look of the garments. art has curators, basically gallery administrators; they are now "creative" (not just professional). you can even do a course in it.this is a vital stage in the caste cementing its power, they institute their own system of qualifications. it is also relevant that, apparently, fewer young people are interested in becoming actors, they'd rather see acting as just the means to get into t.v. presenting.

well.....not sure what to say today really. but it's been a week since i wrote so thought it's probably better to keep this going and in practice.

had a sort of vision the other day that i was a vampire - i don't mean one of  those foolish types who get false teeth and do bloodletting stuff - was sitting on the bus back from work after an argument with my girlfriend, and i saw myself in the window as this sort of shapeless thing with a mass of dark hair, but no features to speak of; that's the sort of vampire i mean, a shapeless thing that needs others to give it shape, someone who cannot create their own space or context, so has to move into other's. this is not very unusual, because i believe that we all need each other, and use each other to define ourselves - but i'm talking about an extreme case. it's like being totally naked, ordinary layers stripped away momentarily, definitions of job  home family friends gone....this is probably why a bus was appropriate, it's a transitional place, and was also empty as it was late (if there were others on it i'd have put on my don't-fuck-with-me commuter face) so there was noone to whom i had to present a face, the driver was in his cabin. ....this begs a question - what face do we put on for ourselves when alone, in order to recognise ourselves? anyway, i think that i caught me unawares.

i read once and have never forgotten, about this form of hell enjoyed by some bhuddists- as far as i recall, it's just a punishment or karmic reaction or whatever for pretty run of the mill misdemeanors (like maybe not being a bhuddist, i don't know). you become a hungry ghost, and wander the streets (or maybe other places, and this is just how i imagine it) peripheral areas, with an appetite the size of a mountain, and a throat the size of a gnat. in what i recall reading, they tried to slake their unnappeasable hunger by eating anything, shit, rubbish, dropped sperm or menstrual blood. but it might not have been just food that they were after - shelter, love recognition, all that other stuff as well. there is obviously irony in the whole image, when so many of us are already hungry ghosts.

just found this, seems that they have their own realm to live in, a kind of hell, great descriptions here of their appearence and habits http://www.infinite.org/bodhiline/LowerR6.html

what do the undead want with us anyway? they want our warmth. they want to be inside - who doesn't?